My Glamorous Mom Life

I have seen so many moms who do so well at not holding their children so close to them 24/7 and smothering them with their protection. I’’ve seen them be able to leave them with a family member or friend and go out with their husband or just go out and have some “them” time. I’ve also seen moms who can leave their children at daycare and go work or just have some time away. I on the other hand can’t hardly leave my son with my husband for me to go buy groceries (even though Mark is a wonderful father), I can’t stand not being with my son to make sure he’s okay, to watch over him, to make sure he’s not watching some movie he shouldn’t or eating who knows what off the floor. When I’m not around I can’t be in control of what he hears, sees, or does. In my mind I am his mother and the only person who knows what’s best for him. I think there can be an extreme with either type of person I just described but, one thing for sure is you need to not smother and you need to not leave them all the time. There is a balance, but how do you find that balance when you are a control freak with major anxiety issues?? My honest answer, I don’t know. I can pray about it, trust God with my son whether I’m around or not. I’d say that’s the first step. Ultimately God is in control, so I have to realize that I cannot control everything that happens, but I can trust the One who does control everything. I’ve got the whole not dropping my son off on everyone and leaving him part down, but the taking time away and for myself part not so much.

With anxiety a lot of times it’s just a mind game, (at least for me anyways). I have to go through each possible “bad thing” or “bad outcome” that goes through my mind and tell myself why it won’t happen, or why it will be okay. I ask Mark a thousand times each night before bed “is Tobias okay? Is anything over his face?” not because I didn’t believe Mark the first time but because I am reassuring my mind that HE IS OKAY! Poor Mark is trying to be patient with my peppering questions lol. This is something I have to pray about A LOT. The only way I know to get past all this anxiety and fear is to pray, let go, and get away sometimes and show myself everything will be okay. That’s hard though. Easier said than done. I’m sure part of it has to do with it being my first child but then I remember that wait; I’ve always been like this! I’ve always been this way, because I have to be in control! Ask my husband, lol I always have to know everything and decide everything, even if Mark decides and makes me feel like I decided. Control, control, control! But in reality the only thing we really control is our decisions. I want to make the decision to trust everything to God, not to worry.